About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
