Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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