my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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