A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
