After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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