Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Randomize
