a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
