she was so not down for the gang bang
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
my being single is dangerous.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
