The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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