just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
