Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
