I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
