I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
