can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
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