i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
