As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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