you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
do herpes really smell.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
