I want to make a zoo with you.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
