My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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