Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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