yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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