Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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