Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
