Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
