i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
