do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
