sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
