Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
