Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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