she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
