I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
