I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
