Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
