I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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