I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
