Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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