the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
