Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
