You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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