I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
