I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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