I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
