So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
A bitchslap is in order.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
