I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
