If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
