she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
