I think my fart just growled at me.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
