The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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