Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
