i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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