Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
