I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
