I love having hate sex.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
