Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
