You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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